Hey There, Have we met before?

You know it was bound to happen. If not for arranging plans to attend the Bryon Nelson for himself and, that special lady friend (wink), it was finagling a deal for a software purchase without consulting the purchasing group.

Yeah, it's pretty impressive, Big Time is at it again.


Oh, there have been other notable instances, like getting caught at the border of another country, by immigration officials. Here is the actual transcript from that fateful day.

Agent: "Namen!"

BigTime: "Excuse me?"

Agent: "Who. Are. You?"

BigTime: "Mr. Awesome, Senior CIO, Level III" (Flashes smile)

Agent: "Do you have paperz?"

BigTime produces passport and surrenders it.

Agent: Looking at the passport, "Vhat iz you're purpose for your vizit?"

BigTime: Stands tall and adjusts trousers, "Yeah, I got to install some computers and reconfigure all the printers. The wireless is my specialty, I'm the only one who can do it correctly. When Mr. Awesome fixes it, it stays fixed. How are your golf courses here?"

Agent: "Zo, you are here to vork?"

BigTime: Smirking, "You got it, Pal" then winks with double six shooters.

Agent: "Arbeiten papieren? Your Vork paperz?"

BigTime: Face drops, "Ummm, I don't have any."

Agent: Summoning other agents, "Pleaze ztep over here. Wiss deese uhzer peeble, Zank you"

Other agents lead BigTime away for further detention and interrogation.

All he had to do was tell them he was visiting one of his companies branch offices for a meeting. He would have gotten a "Zank you, enjoy your schtay." And that would have been it. When you big time government officials, you are "the man" or a complete idiot, I haven't decided.

Another incident revolves around telling upper management his ideals and volunteering information on how things should be run, in his opinion.

My favorite is giving parents advise on how they should raise their children, although he is childless. (Haven't found that perfect woman, yet)

What's the moral to this story? None. You probably know someone like this in your daily life. Some people find them irritating. Me? They give me great material.

But, But, But, ...

I was taught in the Army that you should always plan your daily tasks with anticipation of things that might go wrong. In other words, there is no excuse for anything that prevents you from being on time, completing a task, etc. The had a saying for this. "What's the maximum effective range for an excuse?" The answer is, "zero meters." Basically, there is never an excuse for anything. You should have anticipated getting a flat tire by leaving earlier. You should have anticipated the fact that your alarm clock wasn't reliable and had a backup clock just on hand. I see more and more people using excuses for shortfalls in their lives instead of owning up to it and taking responsibility.

I hear all the time, from children to Senators, making excuses for their own lack of responsibility. I guess in this day and age, taking responsibility for anything makes you legally liable. What happened to owning up for what you do? It's called integrity. You say you're going to do something and then you do it. If you fail, you fail. And you state that you failed. And you'll get it right next time, if there is one. Don't state that you failed because some schlep didn't do his part. You should have ensured that he did his part for find someone who could.

Taking responsibility for our actions doesn't always have a negative outcome. Many years ago, I worked for a VP that had many people who made excuses. So, one day I was late for work. The traffic was bad that day, and yes, I should have left earlier to anticipate that. When he asked me for my excuse for being late, he was left somewhat speechless when I told him, "I apologize, Sir, there is no excuse." And there wasn't. I was late and it was my own fault. He was caught off guard, mumbled something, then looked at me and said, "Well, call me if you're running late next time." I nodded humbly and went on with my day. He told me much later that I had floored him with my response and he didn't know how to take the actual truth. He also told me that I had scored some points with him because I had told him the truth. He began asking my opinion on things and giving me more responsibility in my job area. It felt good.

So to answer the question, my friends ask, "Why don't I blog more often?" No excuse. But, I will try harder to correct that deficiency about myself.

Cast as Sheep Amongst Wolves

I wanted to share my experience as a session speaker at BrainShare 2008 on the topic, Best Practices for Migrating NetWare 6.5 to Open Enterprise Server 2 Linux. It was a very popular session. In the top five, I was told and attendance was 300+ for each of the two sessions we presented. My boss attended one of the sessions and a close colleague attended the other. I presented the session with a Novell Engineer from Germany, Peter Reck.

BrainShare opened on Sunday, March 16th, for registration and there was a reception that evening. Peter and I had only spoken over the phone and through email. We met for the first time that Sunday, in the speaker's lounge at the Salt Palace. We had arranged with Novell to open one of the ballrooms and allow us to practice our session Sunday afternoon. We timed the session to make sure we weren't going to exceed the 2 hours allotted. The practice session went very well and we found that we were quite compatible speaking together. I remember thinking, "We're ready. This is going to be fun." Novell provided all the speakers with distinctive, blue, long sleeved, oxford style shirts with the Novell logo on the front. Speakers were required to wear this shirt on the day their session is scheduled.

Monday, I began to get a bit nervous. I couldn't eat lunch, even though I tried. As the time drew nearer, I would attend other sessions and watch the speakers for their mannerisms and tips on making my session more appealing to those in attendance. I couldn't concentrate on the material that was being presented. I began to chain smoke outside the Salt Palace. Finally, it was time for me to make my way to Ballroom B. I stopped by the men's room to grab some paper towels. I'm a sweater. I sweat at the drop of a hat. I wanted to be able to blot my head, which I knew would be soaked in no time. I walked into the ballroom and there were the previous session's presenters talking with some of the attendees, answering last minute questions. Peter and I checked our equipment and pulled up our session slides. The remote microphone had a bad cord and crackled each time I moved. The room was hot. We summoned the techs to replace the mic and a building person set the room temperature lower. Peter told me he was very nervous. I agreed, but it made me feel better that I wasn't the only one feeling that way. The room began to fill and I could feel my heart rate increase. Sweat began to bead up on my forehead. I could see my boss in the third row on the left side. I blotted my head. Show time....

I started the session by welcoming everyone and stating the session. I, then, introduced myself and explained who I was and where I came from. Peter did the same. Blot head. The first couple of slides were done by Peter, then I started my own presentation. It was to take about 40 minutes, and I had to pace myself or I would have completed it in 5, due to my nervousness. I began my presentation and blotted a couple of times. Then, after about 5 minutes, I must've found my groove, because I stopped sweating and I began to really enjoy doing this. I spoke and looked around at the crowd and they were listening, all eyes were trained on me and what I had to say. This is not to say that I was great at it, far from it. This was my first time to speak to a large crowd of judgmental geeks, who will rip you apart if you're BS'ing them in a heart beat. I know. I'm one of them. I would stop occasionally to answer a particular question, and once someone tried to call me on an article I had published on this same topic last year. I stated what the article had said, verbatim, and silenced the heckler. I was on a roll. Finally, my part was complete and the presentation was turned over to Peter.

Peter was very nervous and I felt for him as he struggled with, one, being his first time to present, and two, translating German to English in his head and dealing with a heavy German accent in front of a room full of impatient attendees. I enjoyed his presentation and the information he provided, I learned from also. I scanned the crowd and saw a lot of note taking. The last part of the session was questions and answers. And there were a lot of them. In fact, when the session was over, there were people still in their seats, like they were waiting to be dismissed. Go, we're done. Peter and I tidied up the area and people lingered to talk about the subject and to ask more questions. Some even approached me, shook my hand and thanked me. I was very humbled and thanked them for attending. We had done it. I shook Peter's hand and thanked him. We left the ballroom and I thought to myself, "I need a drink."