Open Kǒu, Insert Jiǎo

Tones are a very critical part of learning Chinese, as many before me have pointed out.
A simple tone change can turn your mother, Mā (妈), into a horse, Mǎ (马).  Although the characters are somewhat similar, 妈 has the added character for "woman" (女) as part of the character.  But in speaking, delivering your tones can make for some truly embarrassing moments. 



I had the opportunity to really but my foot in my mouth, all the way to the knee.

Today, I went to lunch at a new Chinese restaurant and decided to try out some of my Chinese.  I'm taken to my table and sat down for lunch.  An attractive, young waitress comes to my table and I feel the overconfidence rising deep in my brain.  I asked the waitress how much a bowl of dumplings cost – “小姐，水饺一碗多少钱？ – (Xiǎojiě ，shuǐ jiǎo yī wǎn duōshǎo qián?)”
She looks at me incredulously, so I repeat myself.  It takes a while, but finally she understands and with a burst of laughter, she explains, in English, that based on my tones, what I’d actually been asking her, “Miss, how much is one night?" — 小姐，睡觉一晚多少钱？– xiǎojiě ，shuìjiào yī wǎn duōshǎo qián?”
I felt the horror wash over me as my mind brought up images of her boss calling the police and my being arrested for solicitation!  I apologized profusely and she actually helped me with my Chinese for the duration of my meal, that mostly went untouched, because I felt to ashamed to eat.  That was also the largest tip I have ever given for a $10 meal.  

I learned a few of lessons from this encounter.

1. No teaching method known on this earth is more effective that an embarrassing moment.
   
2. Embarrassing moments make you humble.
   
3. No one reading this will ever forget the difference between "dumpling" and "one night".

I will continue to humiliate myself and share these priceless gems as I trip and stumble my way toward learning this fascinating language.